This

"I don't know how to do this." I must have said that to myself a dozen times today.
I just don't know how to manage everything. I am trying so hard to make things normal in this home, in our routine, and in our family, but this is not normal.
I am in tears tonight as I feel a huge weight in terms of Elizabeth. We are trying to keep her in school, but it isn't working very well. I feel a tug to pull her and do home and hospital teaching like we did last year, but I know how badly she wants to be in school. She thrives on the social aspect of school and she truly likes being in the class room. The fact that she has a twin sister going off to school each day adds a whole level of complexity.
Still, it is hard for Liz to keep up with everything when she misses a day. She was put in all accelerated classes, except for math, and so she has even more work than she would otherwise. She is starting to feel the stress of it all and that is not a good thing. Between the doctor's appointments, hospital stays and days she is home not feeling well it adds up to being just too much. I don't know how to do this.
My gut tells me to pull her and help her recover and get strong, but then I would be taking away the wonderful, positive effect school has on her mentally; and honestly, her mental health is as important to me as her physical health.
Such a difficult decision. I was hoping she would have more time until we would have to make the decision to pull her or not. Once flu season hits, it will be telling for Liz. Either her body will be able to fight all the infections and viruses, or it won't. Now though, she isn't recovering as well from the surgery for the GTube as we'd hoped, and she isn't doing well in other ways.

Her stoma (the opening where her Gtube button is) isn't healing as quickly as it should be and now she has developed pussing, bleeding and granulation. Gross.
Last night and today she had an elevated temp and we are hoping it isn't related to the stoma which would show signs of infection.
She had a bloody nose four times Saturday, and each one lasted at least 20 minutes. This makes us think her platelets are lower than her usual low counts. We are off to the doctor again tomorrow.
Blah!

Today I have felt like I am not the one who should be caring for Liz; like I am not the right person to help her get well. I know that this is just my fatigue and frustration talking, but it has been such a feeling of weakness.
In perfect timing, I got a boost tonight. Elizabeth showed me part of an essay she wrote for an assignment. It touched me in a way only my child's pure and loving heart could and I took her written words as an answer to prayer.
"My mom is the person I admire the most because she is patient, caring, loving and hardworking. Every single day my mom never stops."
I don't know how to do all of  "this", but I do know that I have to keep going because little eyes are watching, and I have a lot to live up to.