Why

I wish Elizabeth never worried at all, or if she did, that her worries would be so small and trivial I could giggle at her concern. Instead, no matter how faithful my girl is, or how trusting in us and in God she may be, she has worry; the kind of worry that makes her eyes fill and her head fall against my chest.

Last night as we sat next to each other on the couch watching Walt and Kate take their turn at playing Wii, she whispered "Mama, why did God pick me?" The question came out of nowhere and caught me off-guard. I think she must have asked this in the past, though I can't remember a time she did. I know we have talked about it many times at my prompting before. If she has asked it, she has not done so with such sincerity before. I told her that God chose her because she is so strong and she is such a great example to others. That He knew she would bring honor to Him as she showed faithfulness and led others to pray for her and live an example of leaning on Him.

She said "I know. So then answer this- if God made the doctors' brains smart enough to be doctors, then why can't they fix me?" And that, friends, is when I got stuck. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I instantly thought of people we know and know-of who suffer so much, without end at times. It is the question I wrestle with all of the time. Why, if one is being faithful and their suffering is bringing glory to God, why must it go on and on for some.

I wonder when or if the day will come when she will say she doesn't want to be used in this way. I think she must have thought it, but she hasn't said it. Or maybe she is so much stronger than I am she has never thought she wanted "out" of this plan for her life.

My heart aches for her in a way that only a mother who watches her child suffer can understand. At the same time though, I stand in awe of her and how she is being used. I know that her suffering will inspire someone or bring someone who doesn't usually pray to their knees, or make someone evaluate how tough they really have it.

I ache. I admire. I question. I pray.

I'll end this post by saying that sweet Ruby Jane, who lost her fight last week, inspired our family. Ani, we are praying for you and Matt and little Kate during this difficult time.
For those who have not yet done so, please go to www.donatelife.net to register to be an organ donor. The Taylor family is suffering but also thinking of others during their heartache, and asking that people honor Ruby by registering. Thank you.