I am not Supermom. Not. At. All. Not even close.
What I am, is barely hanging on.
That is my truth.
What you don't know (well, a few of you sadly do) is that when you have a "sick kid," you have no time to do anything other than go through the motions, check off things on your to-do list and hang on for dear life. You would all do exactly as I am doing.
If you could see me in my weak moments (especially the car or shower); if my thoughts were visible, you would not call me brave or super. Not at all.
Last night I told Walter "I am going to crack. I don't know when, but I am just telling you that I am." What was he supposed to say to that?! Anything he could have said would have been wrong in my eyes. Just to clarify, and so none of you stage an intervention or check me into the hospital, when I say "crack" I mean I am going to cry. I have yet to cry over what we heard yesterday. I can feel the tears, I have even stopped them a few times..... like when Liz had the window down in the car and had her head placed against the wind as I drove, begging me to drive faster and squealing that it was the best feeling ever. She looked so happy and care free. Or when she woke from surgery yesterday and asked if she was "fixed now." I couldn't even answer her.
I can't cry though. Not yet, I won't let myself. I am afraid if I start, I won't be able to stop.
I can lean on my faith and scripture and I can feel the support of friends. I will appear to be brave for Elizabeth and we will get through this.
But I am not Supermom. Not. At. All.
You are a Super Mom, really...a Super Mom is someone who is always there for her family no matter how hard things get. True it doesn't mean you're perfect (no on is except Jesus). You continually sacrifice your comforts, and wants for what is best for your family. It's okay to cry, you will not cry forever, it is something we need to be able to do every now and then. Ally, I can not know how you feel as far as having 'sick' children, but I can say that the Lord has you in His hands and will get you through this!
ReplyDeleteI did not have a 'super' mom, quite the contrary...I had a very abusive selfish person who called herself our 'mom'. So when I say, "Yes You are a Super Mom," it's because you are everything a Super Mom should be and that's that you are there for your family Always!
I love you Beautiful Lady and I'm praying that the Lord takes away all this hardship that you're going through...it breaks my heart.
Yvonne : )