One of my only pictures holding Elizabeth as a baby. I was horrible about allowing my picture to be taken. I choose to post this photo of Liz with this blog post because I love how chubby her cheeks were! Most often, children with horrible reflux are underweight. My girls were two of the most severe cases of reflux ever seen by doctors, yet the maintained their yummy folds of baby fat (partly due to the special formula they were on). So stinkin' cute!
Last night, out of nowhere, Elizabeth said "Some kids say maybe I will die because I am so skinny!"
I asked her what kids have said that - I couldn't assume at first that they hadn't, given that last month we dealt with a classmate telling both her and Katie that she was probably going to die in surgery.- When I asked, she replied "just kids."
I knew that no one had said that at all and she was just voicing a fear about herself without wanting to come out and say that she is afraid of being skinny and dying.
Uhhh, my heart! Walter was in the room and heard her and we both just locked eyes and bowed our heads. No matter how hard I have tried all these years, and especially this year, to keep her from feeling different, even special, it has caught up with us. The normalcy, the brushing-off of fears and alarm I constantly do, even the years of therapy she has had.... I can't keep her from her feelings and fears.
I explained to her how our bodies absorb nutrients and calories after we eat and how her doctors feel maybe her body isn't absorbing those things. I told her that we are going to start working on finding out if this is the case and also how she can gain some weight in a healthy way. She responded by asking when and letting me know that the stupid doctors have had enough time to figure it out. {ha!} I explained to her that her tummy issues are separate from her blood issues. She just kept insisting on knowing how long, how long, how long. I told her soon. She answered "yeah right, I've heard that before!" Oh, my sassy little girl!
How difficult it must be to have an identical twin and compare yourself to your healthy mirror-image. I worry as she is entering the pre-teen years how her body image is being affected by all of this. Oh man this is tough stuff!
Ultimately, all I could do was say I understood her frustration and disbelief that we will soon get answers and help her. And I looked into her eyes, told her not to worry and promised that she will not die because she is skinny.
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