"Process"

I saw Wicked last Saturday and there is a recurring thing that one of the characters does.... she air-wipes away, with flailing hands, the "yuck" or "blah" when she refers to something she doesn't like or that is a negative thing one doesn't want to think about.
You all know how often I use those very words, and her hand movements would go perfectly when I say them and want to wipe, whisk, or shoo away things happening that I wish were not.

Today Elizabeth had the Hem/Onc clinic. It was packed and we waited over an hour past our scheduled appointment time in a full waiting room. A waiting room full of shiny, bald little heads and tired eyes. Ugh!
I shared earlier with others that the last two weeks or so have been full of unfortuante things one after the other - big car repair, plumbing issues, many trips to the hospital with Liz and even our central heating going out last night to top things off. All things that could make a person ask "Again? Are you kidding me?"; all things I asked out loud, in fact.
The mothers in that waiting room today who have a child with cancer would wish that all of those things were their biggest worry. Reality check.
And then, I looked over at my own Rapunzel-haired beauty with her tired eyes and her mask on and I was struck and confused, yet again, at how we were where we shouldn't be. Blah!

So here's the deal...Liz's bone marrow shows no blasts, no cancer. Praise the Lord!
Frustratingly, it shows that it has not "recovered" and it is still hypocellular. We were hoping very much it would have changed at least a little. The doctor feels the abnormality in her marrow is part of the "process" she has going on. Process = fancy word for "whatever is going on with your baby that we can't figure out". I may not have a doctorate, but I have figured that one out on my own, thank you very much. Process. Blah!

Each time we go to the Hem/Onc, Liz gets a finger stick and her blood is run right there in the office. The patient is then told their white blood cell, red blood cell, platelet counts and ANC (absolute neutrophil count) among other things. Today, Liz's blood was not very good.
WBC should be 4.5-10, Liz's was 2.0.
ANC should be 1,500-8,000 Liz's is 706 today.
This means she is mildly leukopenic and neutropenic today. In English, it means she is susceptible to infection right now (besides how she has been susceptible based on IGg numbers). She's also anemic and her lymphocytes are up. Just a whole bunch of yuck today.

She will go back to Hem/Onc in 10 days and at that time we will talk about a meeting that her Hem/Onc doctor is going to have with her Imuunologist about her case. For now, we wait.
Well, not totally- she has a gastric emptying study, the Infectious Disease doctor, Immunology and then the Hem/Onc all withtin the next two weeks, before going for her next round of IVIg. Not exactly sitting around...but waiting for them to figure out her "process" nonetheless. Blah, yuck, hands air-wiping it all away.

Liz has felt worse as the day has gone on with a headache and nausea. I am certain it is a reaction to yesterday's infusion, as we were warned may happen. Please pray for her to feel better very soon.

And still.... totally, tear-starting grateful.

*** My blog will be going "private" in the next few days.****