Guilt. A mother gets to experience so many precious feelings because of having a child....and then there is guilt. There is always guilt, isn't there? Guilt for not sending him off with a sweater on a cold day. Guilt for forgetting to pick her up from school on a minimum day. Guilt for not being able to be two important places at once. Guilt if you are a working mom, guilt if you are a stay home mom. And if you don't think of the guilt on your own, they will surely remind you...."you love him more!", "you take care of her more when she is sick!". Blah!
This afternoon Jackson and Kate had their dental check up. I always pray and cringe as the Dentist looks Jack's teeth over. Two years ago, in a matter of six months, Jack went from perfect teeth to needing three baby root canals and seven fillings. What in the heck?!
Today he had NO cavities...yay! He did however have one tooth fractured beneath the gum line and another infected. The best part...wait for it....he has an abscess on his gum, under his lip. An abscess, with puss oozing(the dentist was sure to point out that it probably doesn't hurt as much as it did now that the puss has started oozing. Uhhh!)! Right. Where. I. Should. Have. Seen. It. To top it off, the dentist insists that this could have only happened due to a fall or something hitting his mouth. His tooth literally crumbled as the dentist began to remove it. Awesome. Guilt!
All I could do was think of how he could have hit his mouth so hard without me knowing, and rack my brain wondering if he's told me that he has been in pain. I do remember a time two weeks ago when he said his mouth hurt. I did nothing because he didn't complain again.
You know where I am going with this. I begin to question how well I am taking care of everything and everyone else when I am so distracted with Elizabeth and her daily care. If I am realistic I remind myself that I am not a freak-out mom, I take it easy when the kids get hurt or sick. So, I don't know if I would act any differently if I didn't have sick Liz. But, if I am honest with myself I will also admit that I have overlooked things or let things go maybe too long because I am so busy with Liz.
Guilt.
Thankfully, my Jackson West doesn't make me feel any guilt. Brave, sweet boy. He was super brave and took the extractions like a champ.
It hurt my mommy-heart more than it hurt his little mouth. If only he'd shared his laughing gas with me. : )
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