Pity Party

I am having a pity party. I DO NOT want to have a pity party, but I am not in control of my feelings right now. On top of it, I am also having a "bipolar" moment. Not exactly a moment I guess, as it has been about two hours of this.
I have shared with some how at times I feel bipolar about Elizabeth. In a matter of minutes I can go from feeling unbelievably lucky for her health (the ways she IS healthy) to totally sad and angry that we have had nine years of this. And, If I am being candid and raw-real, I can tell you what else I have shared with few...I even have times of feeling I have a bipolar relationship with God. One minute I am praising Him (even praising all the ways Elizabeth's illness has blessed our family) and the next I feel angry with even Him.
So, here I sit, bipolar (no offense to anyone who is bipolar. This is just the only word I know to describe how I am feeling).
All this after a full day at the hospital where I met with families in horrible situations that made me feel such sadness for them and such gratefulness for the health of my family. I prayed on my way home a prayer of thanksgiving and I hugged the kids extra-tight when I saw them after my day. Yet still, knowing that and having felt that just hours ago, something set me off just enough to feel angry, guilty and sad for my daughter. Bipolar, I tell you.
Poor Walter is going to walk through the door any minute after his own long day at work and I need to decide right now if I am going to wipe away my tears and hide my feelings or if this is going to be a night where I invite him to my pity party and we cry together. Seriously bipolar. Not seriously.