Prayer

I have this plaque hanging in my home. My sister gave this to me two years ago and I let out a little sigh the moment I saw it. It once hung in the living room, then the back family room, and now hangs in the hallway outside my bedroom. I moved it because I am a busy mom, and let's get real, I come to my room only to rest after each long day..... or if I need to escape for a few precious minutes during the day. Having this as a reminder as I head to my room- the place I rest, think, reflect and cry- is what I need.

Prayer changes things. At one point in my life, and even now at times, actually, I would hear those words and think "prayer fixes things" or "prayer changes things to be the way I would like" or "prayer makes things the way they should be".
But that is not so. In this life I am learning that is not the case.

Loss seems to be everywhere lately. I attended a memorial service for my sweet friend Sarah's mommy yesterday. Sarah is my age, but when you need your mom-and certainly when you lose your mom-I think "mommy" is a word that may be used. I wrote a while ago in a blog post asking for prayer for her mom Sherry. Many of you had Sherry as your labor and delivery nurse at Memorial. Such a difficult loss of a young life for the family....and for the world, actually.
Today we heard that Tyler Noesen died. Tyler is a Poly graduate, son of my OB, and an inspirational man. So, so young. My sister and I literally gasped when we heard and we both sat shaking our heads and uttering how short life is.
Another family we know at "Liz's hospital" is praying right now for their child's life to be spared from the grasp of cancer.
All of these families prayed....and their prayers for healing were not answered in a way they would have hoped.

Last night Liz stood in front of the mirror playing with her hair while Kate and I sat on my bed, working. Liz spoke and said "Am I ruining things because I am sick?"
I told her no, and asked why she would say that. She replied that Kate often says she ruins things and that at the doctors' offices I seem really frustrated.
Sigh.
I told her that Kate does get disappointed sometimes when plans change because we need to run to the doctor or hospital, or when Liz isn't feeling well. Kate should not use the words "ruining everything", but I reminded her how she too has been disappointed by Kate and the rest of us before, and that's what Kate is feeling.
I told her how smart she is because she is right....I am super frustrated when we are at the doctor's office. I just want them to fix this so badly and I am so sad that she has to feel sick for so very long.
And then she said "Well, I am super frustrated at God. Why is He doing this still?" And she started to cry.
My heart.
We talked again about how God is using her life. About how we are here to bring glory to Him and how she is doing that. About how He knows she is strong enough to do this. About how people are praying for her to HIM who may not normally pray.
I know this, and I say all of this, but you must also know that I am not anywhere close to perfect in my faith. I question Him all of the time and I get angry at His plan when I see pain being caused.
I get angry when prayer doesn't change things in the way I would like.

As matter-of-fact and purely as she could ever voice, she then said "I don't understand this world."

I don't understand it either. At times I think I do, and I have my faith and I know He has a plan....but there is so much I don't understand.

Prayer changes things. It can help heal, bring comfort, bring peace, bring us closer to each other and to God. But it isn't always answered and it doesn't always fix things or heal people or make miracles happen.
And still - I will pray. For big and even small things, I will pray.
I will fall to my knees in prayer. I will gather with friends and hold hands and pray. I will pray for traffic to be light, or a raise to come through, or something good to happen for someone I know. I will pray each night for the health and safety of my family and each morning I will pray (as I always do as I pack their lunches) for my children to have a good day and return home safe. I will pray over Liz when she is most sick or when a difficult decision regarding her care needs to be made.
I will pray and I will wait....because prayer changes things.